because I have one to spare. At least, that's what it feels like. My 3.5 yo is competing with my actual shadow for top billing. What is up with that? No one told me that when I had kids, I would forfeit any and all privacy for the "fill in the blank"...how long does this last? Is this, like, forever? Or just until they move out? Or until they get actual lives of their own? And then do I turn into their shadow? Ironic, huh?
I get my privacy back and then infringe on theirs (for their own good, of course).
Some days, mostly mornings, I just want a few minutes. To do mundane things, like pee or shower or write in this all important blog. But I rarely get a few minutes, especially since B dropped her afternoon nap. Now it's on like donkey kong every freakin' day. I start looking at the clock around 3 or so, counting done until Ben comes home, slaps my hand like WWF and takes over for a bit. Who knew how precious an hour or so is until it's gone?
Some of you may be thinking, "there's always post-bedtime privacy". You are correct. However, I am wiped out by the end of the day and almost (I said 'almost) don't enjoy it. I feel ready for bed by 8:30/9:00 most nights. What is going on with that? I'm basically getting bitched around by my kids during the day and my age at night. Now, I'm not saying I'm old old (turn 34 on Friday), just that my body is showing signs of age. Like not being able to recover from late nights easily or the crows feet nesting nicely around my eyes. Okay, back to my original point. As I get older, I want to go to bed earlier, leaving less time for "post-bedtime" alone time. SOOOOOOO...
The moral of this story is carving out time for yourself is important, if not an impossible task. Maybe I need to wake up 30 minutes earlier for some pre-wake up silence and reflection. Or incorporate the hot yoga class I grouponed. Or start running/walking in the evenings after Ben gets home. Anything will do. Moms tend to sacrifice their time for the good of the family, when in reality, it would be better for the family if moms reclaimed their time.
So, here's to finding some time for ourselves each and every day. And to loving all our shadows.
Peace, J
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Oh What a Night...
was one of my favorite songs in high school. It brings back memories of Chinese fire drills and parties and laughter (and keg stands, shots and just general drunkenness). My Friday nights used to be so wild. Not so much anymore. Now I work double duty since my H works a double at his 'other' job. At least we both get to drink at our respective establishments.
So when I head up to bed is usually about the time I use to head out. I don't miss hangovers. I don't miss the shots that induced the hangovers. Or other alcoholic beverages ingested in excess. But I do miss the dancing. A lot. I.love.to.dance. Like, for realsie. I'm not saying I missed my calling or anything. I don't belong in any music videos or backing up singers on tour BUT I still love to shake it. Dancing makes me happy. Like, really, really happy.
I try to have music on as much as possible when I'm home. And then get B to dance around our living room. I think I passed along my dancing genes because she also likes to move and groove. Wonder if E picked any up as well. Guess only time will tell.
My hope is that my dynamic duo doesn't find me too embarrassing later in life...because I plan to dance till the very end. To rap music at that. Word. For realsie.
So maybe I don't party like a rockstar anymore (let's not count the recent happy hour that turned into happy hours...), but I should plan more nights out dancing. I think it's safe to say I would be a better mom, a better wife if I had more dancing in my life (I think I just came up with a new song lyric...check out that sweet rhyme). Did I just have an Oprah "ah ha" moment? Think so.
So here's to the little things that make us happy...and to actually doing them. I'm planning a dance party sometime soon...O'Briens or Federal House...here we come. Or maybe I'll get crazy and roll to DC. Whaaattttt.
Peace. J
So when I head up to bed is usually about the time I use to head out. I don't miss hangovers. I don't miss the shots that induced the hangovers. Or other alcoholic beverages ingested in excess. But I do miss the dancing. A lot. I.love.to.dance. Like, for realsie. I'm not saying I missed my calling or anything. I don't belong in any music videos or backing up singers on tour BUT I still love to shake it. Dancing makes me happy. Like, really, really happy.
I try to have music on as much as possible when I'm home. And then get B to dance around our living room. I think I passed along my dancing genes because she also likes to move and groove. Wonder if E picked any up as well. Guess only time will tell.
My hope is that my dynamic duo doesn't find me too embarrassing later in life...because I plan to dance till the very end. To rap music at that. Word. For realsie.
So maybe I don't party like a rockstar anymore (let's not count the recent happy hour that turned into happy hours...), but I should plan more nights out dancing. I think it's safe to say I would be a better mom, a better wife if I had more dancing in my life (I think I just came up with a new song lyric...check out that sweet rhyme). Did I just have an Oprah "ah ha" moment? Think so.
So here's to the little things that make us happy...and to actually doing them. I'm planning a dance party sometime soon...O'Briens or Federal House...here we come. Or maybe I'll get crazy and roll to DC. Whaaattttt.
Peace. J
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Seriously.
What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?”
― George Eliot
I strongly believe in the above statement. So you can imagine my dismay when my loving CFO pulled a typical "CFO/H" move this morning. I want to take the new laptop on our very last minute, traveling without him, but with our two kids, trip this weekend. It is lighter. Period. And instead of just saying two of the most treasured words in the English language (when put together), "of course", he informed me that the difference between the two laptops was "about a pound". Leaving me to interpret that I should take the heavier one because a pound really isn't that big of a deal. Did I mention the new laptop is smaller AND lighter. Oh, and the fact that I'm traveling with a 6 month old (who requires me to CARRY her) and a 3.5 yo who has NEVER flown before. So the motto is "the easier the better". Yet instead of readily agreeing, said CFO has to be glib. Really? This.is.not.the.time. Just give me the f*^%ing laptop, upload a gazillion (or just a few) movies and surprise me with a thoughtful bunch of flowers for my never ending, put a smile on my face (forced) flexibility. Don't BS about a pound, because when traveling with two kids (again, one being a carry-on item), everything makes a difference. This isn't rocket science. It's obvious, in your face sh*#. So get it together loving CFO because this President is pulling rank. You make my life easier. I make your life easier. It's.just.that.simple.
So here's to you Ms. Eliot and your words to live by.
Word. J
― George Eliot
I strongly believe in the above statement. So you can imagine my dismay when my loving CFO pulled a typical "CFO/H" move this morning. I want to take the new laptop on our very last minute, traveling without him, but with our two kids, trip this weekend. It is lighter. Period. And instead of just saying two of the most treasured words in the English language (when put together), "of course", he informed me that the difference between the two laptops was "about a pound". Leaving me to interpret that I should take the heavier one because a pound really isn't that big of a deal. Did I mention the new laptop is smaller AND lighter. Oh, and the fact that I'm traveling with a 6 month old (who requires me to CARRY her) and a 3.5 yo who has NEVER flown before. So the motto is "the easier the better". Yet instead of readily agreeing, said CFO has to be glib. Really? This.is.not.the.time. Just give me the f*^%ing laptop, upload a gazillion (or just a few) movies and surprise me with a thoughtful bunch of flowers for my never ending, put a smile on my face (forced) flexibility. Don't BS about a pound, because when traveling with two kids (again, one being a carry-on item), everything makes a difference. This isn't rocket science. It's obvious, in your face sh*#. So get it together loving CFO because this President is pulling rank. You make my life easier. I make your life easier. It's.just.that.simple.
So here's to you Ms. Eliot and your words to live by.
Word. J
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Running a Business
My business feels like its failing. I run it out of my home. I have three employees (four if you count the beta fish, but he's pretty much useless, so let's keep it at three for now) and a CFO. I, of course, am the President. The thing is I pretty much have to do everything since my employees are 3.5 yo, 6 mo old and a Rat Terrier. My CFO is amazing, but works another job full-time leaving little time for this business at home. This feels like it should be easier, but it's not. Every day holds new surprises. Trying to anticipate the needs of my employees, pray that the Rat Terrier doesn't sue for negligence if she has yet another seizure, and keep the business running smoothly is nearly impossible. Throw in some heavy life sh*#, and I don't even know where to start each day. Can you relate? Or is it just me?
I can't seem to keep up with the demands of this job. The endless laundry, cleaning, organizing and reorganizing, etc etc. Did I mention I run this business 24 hours a day/7 days a week. There are no sick days. No easy vacations, as employees must be taken care of in my absence. And I don't feel like I'm allowed to have 'bad' or 'off' days since I directly influence those below me. I still have them, but I feel extra terrible from the guilt of having them.
This particular job lacks concrete direction and objectives. It requires a keen sense of self-discipline, patience, flexibility, ability to have a sense of humor despite feeling anything but humorous, and to see both the big and small picture of each and every day. This job lays the groundwork for my small employees to eventually run their own businesses. Oh, the self-induced pressure. It really is since as long as I lead by example (and feel confident that it's a good example MOST of the time), the kids will be alright.
So I should probably go and get some much need work done. I'm going to make a concerted effort to put a smile on my face and dig deep for that sense of humor I mentioned earlier. I feel I'm suffereing from one of my worst qualities as of late ~ taking myself WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. It's an affliction I've suffered from, well, for as long as I can remember (which honestly isn't that long since I have a terrible memory).
The moral of this story is...lighten up. The business isn't actually going to fail, at least not in the long-term. And there are worse things than not getting the laundry done (or put away), having a messy workspace AKA playroom or being surrounded by pissed employees. At least my fellow co-workers running their own businesses are amazing, always make me laugh and are there to lift me up when I've fallen (like hard, head-first into concrete...or at least, that's what it feels like).
So, here's to other "Presidents"...while we make NO money and receive NO benefits (like health, retirement, etc)...we still have the best job (most days).
Peace. J
I can't seem to keep up with the demands of this job. The endless laundry, cleaning, organizing and reorganizing, etc etc. Did I mention I run this business 24 hours a day/7 days a week. There are no sick days. No easy vacations, as employees must be taken care of in my absence. And I don't feel like I'm allowed to have 'bad' or 'off' days since I directly influence those below me. I still have them, but I feel extra terrible from the guilt of having them.
This particular job lacks concrete direction and objectives. It requires a keen sense of self-discipline, patience, flexibility, ability to have a sense of humor despite feeling anything but humorous, and to see both the big and small picture of each and every day. This job lays the groundwork for my small employees to eventually run their own businesses. Oh, the self-induced pressure. It really is since as long as I lead by example (and feel confident that it's a good example MOST of the time), the kids will be alright.
So I should probably go and get some much need work done. I'm going to make a concerted effort to put a smile on my face and dig deep for that sense of humor I mentioned earlier. I feel I'm suffereing from one of my worst qualities as of late ~ taking myself WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. It's an affliction I've suffered from, well, for as long as I can remember (which honestly isn't that long since I have a terrible memory).
The moral of this story is...lighten up. The business isn't actually going to fail, at least not in the long-term. And there are worse things than not getting the laundry done (or put away), having a messy workspace AKA playroom or being surrounded by pissed employees. At least my fellow co-workers running their own businesses are amazing, always make me laugh and are there to lift me up when I've fallen (like hard, head-first into concrete...or at least, that's what it feels like).
So, here's to other "Presidents"...while we make NO money and receive NO benefits (like health, retirement, etc)...we still have the best job (most days).
Peace. J
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"Cooking is like love.
It should be entered into with abandon or not at all." Harriet Van Horne
Oh, do I agree with that statement. I.love.food. I believe that meals should be thoroughly enjoyed, savored and discussed ad nauseum. My husband recently told me that "I'm too into my meals." I took it as a compliment. It was not intended as one. I didn't care.
I feel like food is my birthright. Everyone, specifically my dad's side (the Huba's), loves food. And we have an amazing ability to remember meals long after they are done. Food touches our souls, not just feeds it. Food resurrects our childhood. Make me a pound cake and I will think of my Nanny Huba. She used to make me a pound cake almost every visit to Peekskill, NY. And I loved them. And I absolutely adored her. Silver dollar pancakes, also a Nanny-specialty. She kept her bread in the oven and always had delicious New York cold cuts on hand. And I can't forget the Entemann's Crumb Coffee Cake. Again, a staple during our visits. Food doesn't always have to be homemade, but it does have to be quality in my humble opinion.
Food brings people together. Everyone has food in common. Yet food also sets us apart. Every family, culture, region has their specialty. Isn't that what makes traveling so fun? Trying new foods, exposing taste buds to something out of their comfort zone. Isn't that how we grow? Exploring, trying new things but always coming back to what we know best, a good (hopefully locally grown - plug) home cooked meal.
I could write about food all day, everyday. But think I should break to make my kid some breakfast. A cereal bar doesn't really qualify as a meal. Nope, she deserves a freshly blended smoothie and maybe I'll whip up some silver dollar pancakes as they never go out of style.
Here's to you Nanny. May you look down and feel relieved your "foodie" gene was successful passed. And your memory forever honored through recipes handed down and new ones tested out on my beautiful, food-loving family.
Peace. J
Oh, do I agree with that statement. I.love.food. I believe that meals should be thoroughly enjoyed, savored and discussed ad nauseum. My husband recently told me that "I'm too into my meals." I took it as a compliment. It was not intended as one. I didn't care.
I feel like food is my birthright. Everyone, specifically my dad's side (the Huba's), loves food. And we have an amazing ability to remember meals long after they are done. Food touches our souls, not just feeds it. Food resurrects our childhood. Make me a pound cake and I will think of my Nanny Huba. She used to make me a pound cake almost every visit to Peekskill, NY. And I loved them. And I absolutely adored her. Silver dollar pancakes, also a Nanny-specialty. She kept her bread in the oven and always had delicious New York cold cuts on hand. And I can't forget the Entemann's Crumb Coffee Cake. Again, a staple during our visits. Food doesn't always have to be homemade, but it does have to be quality in my humble opinion.
Food brings people together. Everyone has food in common. Yet food also sets us apart. Every family, culture, region has their specialty. Isn't that what makes traveling so fun? Trying new foods, exposing taste buds to something out of their comfort zone. Isn't that how we grow? Exploring, trying new things but always coming back to what we know best, a good (hopefully locally grown - plug) home cooked meal.
I could write about food all day, everyday. But think I should break to make my kid some breakfast. A cereal bar doesn't really qualify as a meal. Nope, she deserves a freshly blended smoothie and maybe I'll whip up some silver dollar pancakes as they never go out of style.
Here's to you Nanny. May you look down and feel relieved your "foodie" gene was successful passed. And your memory forever honored through recipes handed down and new ones tested out on my beautiful, food-loving family.
Peace. J
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sleep benefits...
everyone in my household. Hey, sleep benefits everyone around the world. But for now, let's concentrate on a smaller scale, like right here, right now. My girls are still in bed. It's 8:00 am. They both slept soundly through the night. I think we're on night 2 or 3. This wasn't always so unusual, but kids go through stages, right? E went on a 2 month kick of sleeping great, then back pedaled a bit. B's paci took flight with the fairy and she back pedaled a bit. Now we are cruising again. This could end at any point, but I'll take what I can get. And right now, that's uninterrupted sleep. A thing of beauty and wonder and oh so good for my sanity.
I'm alert and ready for the day. And it's so nice. It's so nice to wake up happy and restful instead of cranky and tired. I know that may sound simple, who wouldn't want the former, and I know I have the power to wake up any way I want because I control my attitude...blah blah blah. But it's so much easier to "control my attitude" in a positive fashion when I've gotten at least 6 hours of sleep.
While I'd love to continue writing, I actually need to wake 3.5 yo up. She has a date at the Disney Ice Show this fine morning. And her ride will be here in less than an hour. Little lady needs to get up and get moving and pick out her favorite costume for the show. And then I get to snuggle my sweet baby E and clean and clean and clean. Yay for putting off chores...but that's another post all together.
Peace. J
I'm alert and ready for the day. And it's so nice. It's so nice to wake up happy and restful instead of cranky and tired. I know that may sound simple, who wouldn't want the former, and I know I have the power to wake up any way I want because I control my attitude...blah blah blah. But it's so much easier to "control my attitude" in a positive fashion when I've gotten at least 6 hours of sleep.
While I'd love to continue writing, I actually need to wake 3.5 yo up. She has a date at the Disney Ice Show this fine morning. And her ride will be here in less than an hour. Little lady needs to get up and get moving and pick out her favorite costume for the show. And then I get to snuggle my sweet baby E and clean and clean and clean. Yay for putting off chores...but that's another post all together.
Peace. J
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I just need...
a break. Since my 3.5 yo gave up her naps, I've been in a kind of hell. Like stuck in one of the rings in Dante's Inferno. Not sure which one, let's say 5 for the hell of it (no pun intended). I tried setting the oven timer today, a modest hour. It didn't work. She asked every 30 seconds if the timer "dinged" yet and we graduated to yet another level of annoying. Sweet 5 mo old sleeping, well, like a baby.
So what do you do with a kid who just won't nap? BTW, this is the same kid who fell asleep between me picking her up from school and driving home (we're 2 miles away) yesterday. Bedtime's been bumped up some, but nothing significant. My day is usually broken up with play dates or errands, but we've been sick or timing's been off with friends, so that equals long days at 318 Riding Ridge Rd.
I've never had a job where I didn't get some kind of break. Being a mom really is 24/7. I guess I just didn't believe the hype or rather, you just don't know until you're knee deep. So here I am, blurry eyed (yes I had coffee, two cups if you must know), still in PJ's, unshowered (but you prob guessed that when I told you about the PJ's) and my husband will be home shortly. The good news is I re-organized my kitchen, swept and mopped the first floor (most of it), so I almost look like I had a productive day. At least it's obvious I wasn't sitting on my ass eating bon bons, or something of the like.
But what I would give to have a break during the day. Even a 30 min overlap in naps would be a little bit of heaven. To be able to write this blog without threatening my kid, or take an uninterrupted shower, or simply sit and read or watch a DVR'ed show from the night before. Ahhh, a mom can dream, right?
Looks like this "break" is o-v-e-r. I'm going to throw myself in the shower in the hopes that I look human before H gets home.
Peace. J
So what do you do with a kid who just won't nap? BTW, this is the same kid who fell asleep between me picking her up from school and driving home (we're 2 miles away) yesterday. Bedtime's been bumped up some, but nothing significant. My day is usually broken up with play dates or errands, but we've been sick or timing's been off with friends, so that equals long days at 318 Riding Ridge Rd.
I've never had a job where I didn't get some kind of break. Being a mom really is 24/7. I guess I just didn't believe the hype or rather, you just don't know until you're knee deep. So here I am, blurry eyed (yes I had coffee, two cups if you must know), still in PJ's, unshowered (but you prob guessed that when I told you about the PJ's) and my husband will be home shortly. The good news is I re-organized my kitchen, swept and mopped the first floor (most of it), so I almost look like I had a productive day. At least it's obvious I wasn't sitting on my ass eating bon bons, or something of the like.
But what I would give to have a break during the day. Even a 30 min overlap in naps would be a little bit of heaven. To be able to write this blog without threatening my kid, or take an uninterrupted shower, or simply sit and read or watch a DVR'ed show from the night before. Ahhh, a mom can dream, right?
Looks like this "break" is o-v-e-r. I'm going to throw myself in the shower in the hopes that I look human before H gets home.
Peace. J
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)