Judgey McJudgerson

I feel like that could be my name lately. I've been spending WAY too much energy thinking about what is quote BEST unquote for some people around me. Don't worry, I'm not talking about you (or am I?). We're all guilty of it (please tell me I'm not alone in this uphill battle to mind my own business). I just want my loved ones to be h-a-p-p-y. Like, really really happy. And it's like I've forgot that every one's journey is different. And unless I have magical powers I am unaware of (that would be so cool), I have no idea what it feels like to be anyone else but me.

One of my favorite Emerson quotes (the author, not my baby) says "what I must do, is all that concerns me; not what the people think". It's from his essay on Self-Reliance and it's a must read. He goes on to comment on the hardships of following that rule because there are always people who "think they know what your duty is better than you know it". Ain't that the truth? Oh wait, that's me right now. Sh*@.

The thing is, I've made this great life out of gigantic mistakes. I mean, I broke an f'ing engagement a few days before Christmas (and his birthday) so I would know if Ben was the One or not. That being said, I hadn't spoken to or seen Ben in forever (other than to spill my engagement news), so I was working on faith that everything would work out. And that it was far better to be alone, than in the wrong relationship. But I was in that relationship for FIVE years. Do you think my friends and family had an opinion? Absolutely. They even shared it from time to time. But every single one supported my decision to marry he who shall remain nameless. Even though it was a terrible decision. They let me be. And I love them for it. No one abandoned me. Ever.

In the end, I make good choices. I just wait till I'm about to figuratively fall off an f'ing cliff and then I'm all like, wait, what. Nope, time to make a different choice. And in that instant, I'm brave. I dig in, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and change my course.

It wasn't easy and still isn't, but it's where I grew/grow the most. It's where everyone grows...it's just a matter of pushing through and finding comfort once more. And instead of standing back and doling out advice like a "know it all" (who really likes 'those' people anyways), I'm going to reach out my hand instead.

It's hard to keep my mouth shut when I see loved ones making what I perceive to be 'bad' choices or not living their 'best' life (what up Oprah). Key words, what I perceive. And my perception is flawed because it's mine, not theirs. And who knows where those 'bad' choices will lead them. Mine led me here. To a wonderful marriage, two beautiful children, a lovely home and amazing friends (old and new). I made choices that ultimately landed me in my dream life. I own them. Every.single.one.

So here's to choices, good and bad. And to keeping judgement at bay.

Peace and love. J