In a few hours, I'll be running my first road race in almost two years. It's a 5k benefiting Girls on the Run. They are all about running and healthy self-esteem. This is the perfect race to get on my running feet again. While I walk almost every day and fit in a Pilate's video a few times a week, running always makes me feel at peace. Maybe it's because I picked it up in my 20's when I really, really needed some peace. Or because I used it as a platform to fund raise for a cause close to my heart. Or simply because my running needs are small. A pair of running shoes, the clothes on my back and the outdoors (until I get my own treadmill and then indoors will do as well). I'm not very fast but that's okay. I have goals and they are attainable. And when I reach them, I'll make new ones.
Today's goal: run entire race in less than 35 minutes, enjoy the scenery and company of good friends.
Life is good. And I think signing up for a 5k once a month for awhile will be good for my soul. And when those get really easy, I'll jump to a 10k and so on. There is a community in running and I want to be a part of it again. It's welcoming, familiar, supportive and fun. I know running isn't for everybody, but it is for me.
So here's to running and whatever moves you. And to being happy. Peace.
J
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
De-Friended.
Is that even a word? Maybe not officially, but FB created it amidst their claim to fame for connecting people. I've discovered it hurts to be de-friended, even if you don't really care about the person who did said de-friending. Listen, I've done my fair share of defriending or ignoring friend requests. Not maliciously. I just don't need to be connected to everybody. And I figured that out as my relationship with FB matured. The thing with FB is that it's not necessarily a very mature venue. While in some regards, it's great. Fabulous even. But in other ways, not so much. I hope I haven't inadvertently hurt someone's feelings along my FB journey, though as I mull over my own de-friending, I figure I must have at some point. And.that.sucks. I hate hurting people's feelings (like anyone likes it, right?). But in the vast world of FB, I bet it happens a lot.
As I contemplate on how to continue, I find myself writing, deleting, writing, deleting. And writing some more. Delete.Delete.Delete. Aren't you excited to really be in my head right now (hahahaha).
I'm overthinking. It's a problem, my problem and I need help. My husband gives pretty good advice in the way of "who really gives a sh*&". And while I'm pretty sure I know why I've been defriended, I keep reviewing our last interaction. Over thinker meet Over analyzer. The two go hand in hand, even though they are a terrible match. And all they do together is waste precious time. Because at the end of the day, it's just not that important. Wait, scratch (that), it's not important at all.
And here comes the lesson. Stop wasting time on unimportant things. While I'm pretty sure we all know what's important, sometimes we don't. To be clear, reading my blog falls in the 'important' category if anyone had any doubts or second thoughts. I'm here to remind you (you're welcome), all that matters in this big, big world are the people we love and cherish. The ones who stand by us when we mis-step, mis-speak, mess-up...the ones who make us laugh and vice-versus. The ones who hold our hands (or hair back over the toilet...you know who you are oh loves of my life), the people who truly lift us higher than we ever thought possible. The ones who listen to our woes and support unconditionally. The ones who celebrate all our big and small moments (E is finally napping...yay).
I'm off FB again. First it was for Lent, now it's for me. I don't know how long, maybe forever. I love keeping up with old sorority sisters, roommates and childhood friends. And it's been great for the mom's group I'm a part of, but my life will continue to be full and happy without daily updates. Although I will miss the pictures and hilarious anecdotes about whose kid said what, etc., it tempts me to care about unimportant things.
And I realize how fortunate I am to still be in touch with everyone I ever really, really loved in some way or another. Most importantly, without the help of FB. Shout out to snail mail, phone calls, emails and the best of the best, dates (like karaoke tonight at W'Man's...open invite...please come!).
FB does rock...but this girl needs to roll out for awhile. Word.
J
As I contemplate on how to continue, I find myself writing, deleting, writing, deleting. And writing some more. Delete.Delete.Delete. Aren't you excited to really be in my head right now (hahahaha).
I'm overthinking. It's a problem, my problem and I need help. My husband gives pretty good advice in the way of "who really gives a sh*&". And while I'm pretty sure I know why I've been defriended, I keep reviewing our last interaction. Over thinker meet Over analyzer. The two go hand in hand, even though they are a terrible match. And all they do together is waste precious time. Because at the end of the day, it's just not that important. Wait, scratch (that), it's not important at all.
And here comes the lesson. Stop wasting time on unimportant things. While I'm pretty sure we all know what's important, sometimes we don't. To be clear, reading my blog falls in the 'important' category if anyone had any doubts or second thoughts. I'm here to remind you (you're welcome), all that matters in this big, big world are the people we love and cherish. The ones who stand by us when we mis-step, mis-speak, mess-up...the ones who make us laugh and vice-versus. The ones who hold our hands (or hair back over the toilet...you know who you are oh loves of my life), the people who truly lift us higher than we ever thought possible. The ones who listen to our woes and support unconditionally. The ones who celebrate all our big and small moments (E is finally napping...yay).
I'm off FB again. First it was for Lent, now it's for me. I don't know how long, maybe forever. I love keeping up with old sorority sisters, roommates and childhood friends. And it's been great for the mom's group I'm a part of, but my life will continue to be full and happy without daily updates. Although I will miss the pictures and hilarious anecdotes about whose kid said what, etc., it tempts me to care about unimportant things.
And I realize how fortunate I am to still be in touch with everyone I ever really, really loved in some way or another. Most importantly, without the help of FB. Shout out to snail mail, phone calls, emails and the best of the best, dates (like karaoke tonight at W'Man's...open invite...please come!).
FB does rock...but this girl needs to roll out for awhile. Word.
J
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Some Highlights
Some choice moments of my day. I lost my cell phone. In.my.bra. Wait, what? I literally walked back and forth, searched high and low, inside and out only to discover my precious phone was in.my.bra. Good thing I got a text or the search would've gone on for-ever. I'm not afraid to admit this (b/c I know this happened to someone else. You know who you are.), but I've looked for my phone WHILE I was friggin' talking on it. It only happened once, but good Lord, isn't that enough? Oh, the horror of losing my mind.
Hmmm, what else. I saw two squirrels playing and running and frolicking on the fence. And then the boy got a bit aggressive, 'got his' and the poor girl had to position herself on top of a post to avoid any further clearly unwanted, advances. Listen guy, no means no.
Ben told me B is too young to understand "may I be excused, please" when she wants to leave the table. And that I need to 'lighten up'. And some other things that I've already forgotten b/c I stopped listening when I realized he was trying to offer 'parenting advice'. How about this. Suck it. I know, I know. My maturity level is at a low point right now. I'm tired. It's the end of the day. Blah, blah, blah.
I'm not really that tired. I just feel like giving my H a hard time.
Oh, here's something that irritated me. Olive decapitated my newest little hydrangea plant. I got her (yes, my plants take on genders) for Easter. She was a lovely blue shade. And now she is headless, just a simple stalk, because Olive cannot see anything but rage when Winston the Beagle steps out his backdoor. So my mad dog ran over her. And took.off.her.head. Just like the Queen from Alice in Wonderland. Only not so deliberate. It was an accidental beheading. Enough visual. Do you think you've got it? Because I could keep going. Ann Boleyn just popped in my mind.
It really was a good day. I worked out, saw friends and enjoyed the gorgeous weather. Planted some new ferns and flowers. Made lamb sliders, couscous and sauteed cherry tomatoes (delish). Enjoyed a glass wine, ate outside with the family and Ben did the dishes. Girls went to bed easily (as they should with no freaking naps). All in all, great day.
So what I lost my phone in my dress, or saw some disturbing things happening in nature. Maybe Ben has some useful hints about kids and raising them to be happy, well-adjusted adults (will keep you posted). And hopefully that hydrangea with come back next year, bigger and more beautiful than ever. And I'll put a fence around her. That may or may not be electrified.
I'm not going to put an electrified fence around my plants. But it would keep Olive the hell away from them.
So here's to looking forward to what tomorrow brings. Good, bad, forgetful and fun.
Peace. J
Hmmm, what else. I saw two squirrels playing and running and frolicking on the fence. And then the boy got a bit aggressive, 'got his' and the poor girl had to position herself on top of a post to avoid any further clearly unwanted, advances. Listen guy, no means no.
Ben told me B is too young to understand "may I be excused, please" when she wants to leave the table. And that I need to 'lighten up'. And some other things that I've already forgotten b/c I stopped listening when I realized he was trying to offer 'parenting advice'. How about this. Suck it. I know, I know. My maturity level is at a low point right now. I'm tired. It's the end of the day. Blah, blah, blah.
I'm not really that tired. I just feel like giving my H a hard time.
Oh, here's something that irritated me. Olive decapitated my newest little hydrangea plant. I got her (yes, my plants take on genders) for Easter. She was a lovely blue shade. And now she is headless, just a simple stalk, because Olive cannot see anything but rage when Winston the Beagle steps out his backdoor. So my mad dog ran over her. And took.off.her.head. Just like the Queen from Alice in Wonderland. Only not so deliberate. It was an accidental beheading. Enough visual. Do you think you've got it? Because I could keep going. Ann Boleyn just popped in my mind.
It really was a good day. I worked out, saw friends and enjoyed the gorgeous weather. Planted some new ferns and flowers. Made lamb sliders, couscous and sauteed cherry tomatoes (delish). Enjoyed a glass wine, ate outside with the family and Ben did the dishes. Girls went to bed easily (as they should with no freaking naps). All in all, great day.
So what I lost my phone in my dress, or saw some disturbing things happening in nature. Maybe Ben has some useful hints about kids and raising them to be happy, well-adjusted adults (will keep you posted). And hopefully that hydrangea with come back next year, bigger and more beautiful than ever. And I'll put a fence around her. That may or may not be electrified.
I'm not going to put an electrified fence around my plants. But it would keep Olive the hell away from them.
So here's to looking forward to what tomorrow brings. Good, bad, forgetful and fun.
Peace. J
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Two Wilted Roses
My husband brought home flowers yesterday. In less than an hour, two roses were wilted. And it really pissed me off. The rest of the arrangement still flourished, but all I could see were those two wilted roses. What.a.brat, some of you may be thinking (remember, no judging).
To be fair, I was mad yesterday. Mad at the world. Today is Mother's Day and my family is missing a very important mom. So, I was angry.
But those two wilted roses represent something bigger upon reflection. I'm going heavy today so watch out. If you don't feel like being reflective, please stop reading and go do something way more fun, like drinking champagne (wait, I'm doing that too).
I spend so much time keeping everything just right, I freak out if anything goes wrong or isn't the picture of perfection. The flowers were beautiful, yet I couldn't appreciate them. All I could see were the imperfections. Translate that to child-raising and/or being in a relationship and we've got trouble. Who can live up to perfect expectations. Not me and when I fall short (which I often do), I am a mess. A punching bag. I'm the bag and the one punching. What's up with that? Oh am I a therapists dream right now.
I mean, who really cares about two wilted roses. Is the world going to end? Probably not...unless it's 2012 and then, maybe.
But seriously. It's so much nicer to view the world and see what is right first and notice (just notice) what's not so right with a softer eye. My house may never live up to my expectations. As in, it will never be just the way I want it. I have two kids, a husband and dog. And that group isn't always on the same page as far as keeping house goes. But isn't it more important that my kids laughed and played and lived, rather than moped (please, do you ever see Emerson moping?) and cleaned and cried.
I like things organized. I like things neat and orderly. It gives me a sense of control over my world. But I want my kids to grow up with a balanced sense of neat/orderly versus fun/games. And an understanding that we cannot always control our environment or others, but do have ownership over ourselves and what we put out into the world.
Two wilted roses. Really, that's a day breaker? Here's a game changer. Take them out and hang them upside down or put them inside a heavy book. Dried flowers are so beautiful. It's always nice to take something perceived as less than perfect and change the perspective. Something we are all capable of even on our worst days.
I love my life. My husband made me breakfast today. And bought me champagne and the most beautiful flowering vine. And a sweet card. And gave me two of the most perfect children a person could hope for. So take that two wilted roses. Who knew two little red roses could have such an impact on a person?
So here's to seeing what's really important and only 'just noticing' the rest.
Love to all the moms, grand mom's, and one day will be moms...J
To be fair, I was mad yesterday. Mad at the world. Today is Mother's Day and my family is missing a very important mom. So, I was angry.
But those two wilted roses represent something bigger upon reflection. I'm going heavy today so watch out. If you don't feel like being reflective, please stop reading and go do something way more fun, like drinking champagne (wait, I'm doing that too).
I spend so much time keeping everything just right, I freak out if anything goes wrong or isn't the picture of perfection. The flowers were beautiful, yet I couldn't appreciate them. All I could see were the imperfections. Translate that to child-raising and/or being in a relationship and we've got trouble. Who can live up to perfect expectations. Not me and when I fall short (which I often do), I am a mess. A punching bag. I'm the bag and the one punching. What's up with that? Oh am I a therapists dream right now.
I mean, who really cares about two wilted roses. Is the world going to end? Probably not...unless it's 2012 and then, maybe.
But seriously. It's so much nicer to view the world and see what is right first and notice (just notice) what's not so right with a softer eye. My house may never live up to my expectations. As in, it will never be just the way I want it. I have two kids, a husband and dog. And that group isn't always on the same page as far as keeping house goes. But isn't it more important that my kids laughed and played and lived, rather than moped (please, do you ever see Emerson moping?) and cleaned and cried.
I like things organized. I like things neat and orderly. It gives me a sense of control over my world. But I want my kids to grow up with a balanced sense of neat/orderly versus fun/games. And an understanding that we cannot always control our environment or others, but do have ownership over ourselves and what we put out into the world.
Two wilted roses. Really, that's a day breaker? Here's a game changer. Take them out and hang them upside down or put them inside a heavy book. Dried flowers are so beautiful. It's always nice to take something perceived as less than perfect and change the perspective. Something we are all capable of even on our worst days.
I love my life. My husband made me breakfast today. And bought me champagne and the most beautiful flowering vine. And a sweet card. And gave me two of the most perfect children a person could hope for. So take that two wilted roses. Who knew two little red roses could have such an impact on a person?
So here's to seeing what's really important and only 'just noticing' the rest.
Love to all the moms, grand mom's, and one day will be moms...J
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Stupid, Lately
Wow. Do I feel like an A+ idiot right now. I just replied to some terrible news on the local Hunt Meadow message board. A terrible "tradegy" happened. Wait, what? I realized my error as I changed dear Emerson's diaper upstairs. I couldn't get downstairs fast enough to delete the post and rewrite one with words that had 4 letters or less. I mean, those are pretty hard to screw up (not impossible, but much harder).
Ever since I had kids, I've lost precious room upstairs. It's like my brain doesn't have enough space to hold my education, work experience AND the latest Mo Willams children's book. Are you serious?
I forget names constantly (not yours, well maybe sometimes).
I went to a playdate yesterday and had to go the back way due to traffic. I ended up back on Route 50 going towards Annapolis. The playdate was in Crofton. I go every week. But since I went the back way, my auto pilot took over (apparently this other self takes over whenever it feels necessary) and when she saw the exit off 424 for 50, off we went. In my defense, I was not on the phone but listening to the chatter of two toddlers (had little Gwen with me) and a sweet babe in the back. Seriously though. What the hell is going on?
I still have moments of brilliance (yes, brilliance. Please stop laughing and just indulge me. P.S. I almost misspelled 'indulge'). But they are fleeting and seem to come less and less. And I read. And watch CNN. And cool travel and cooking channels. I just don't retain information unless it's really, really important (like the plot line of Vampire Diaries or when my next hair cut is...May 14th, if you're wondering).
Do I just resign myself that kids literally take everything? Time, energy, money, all our love and affection...sanity. I mean, we did it to our parents. Isn't this just retribution. Do our parents secretly (or right in our faces) celebrate every trip-up, misspelled word, or 'wrong' auto-pilot move.
And don't get me wrong. It's worth it. I love my kids. And the joys of raising them. I just didn't know that the smartest choices I've ever made (next to marrying my husband) could make me so freaking dumb.
So here's to embracing the highs and lows of raising kids. And to hoping the brain cells come back...even if it's just one at a time.
Word. J
PS - my husband just gave me great material for next post. are.you.serious?
PPS - just did spell check. misspelled brilliance. typical.
Ever since I had kids, I've lost precious room upstairs. It's like my brain doesn't have enough space to hold my education, work experience AND the latest Mo Willams children's book. Are you serious?
I forget names constantly (not yours, well maybe sometimes).
I went to a playdate yesterday and had to go the back way due to traffic. I ended up back on Route 50 going towards Annapolis. The playdate was in Crofton. I go every week. But since I went the back way, my auto pilot took over (apparently this other self takes over whenever it feels necessary) and when she saw the exit off 424 for 50, off we went. In my defense, I was not on the phone but listening to the chatter of two toddlers (had little Gwen with me) and a sweet babe in the back. Seriously though. What the hell is going on?
I still have moments of brilliance (yes, brilliance. Please stop laughing and just indulge me. P.S. I almost misspelled 'indulge'). But they are fleeting and seem to come less and less. And I read. And watch CNN. And cool travel and cooking channels. I just don't retain information unless it's really, really important (like the plot line of Vampire Diaries or when my next hair cut is...May 14th, if you're wondering).
Do I just resign myself that kids literally take everything? Time, energy, money, all our love and affection...sanity. I mean, we did it to our parents. Isn't this just retribution. Do our parents secretly (or right in our faces) celebrate every trip-up, misspelled word, or 'wrong' auto-pilot move.
And don't get me wrong. It's worth it. I love my kids. And the joys of raising them. I just didn't know that the smartest choices I've ever made (next to marrying my husband) could make me so freaking dumb.
So here's to embracing the highs and lows of raising kids. And to hoping the brain cells come back...even if it's just one at a time.
Word. J
PS - my husband just gave me great material for next post. are.you.serious?
PPS - just did spell check. misspelled brilliance. typical.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Do you ever feel like...
you don't really want your kid to act like, I don't know, a freaking kid? Today was one of those days. My allergies decided to up the ante and bring in a full blown sinus infection, like they needed back-up or something. Like they really wanted to make sure I still felt like ass as the rain washed some of their poison, I mean pollen, away. So my head wanted to explode from the moment I jumped out of bed. I literally jumped because B screamed when she realized her door was shut instead of slightly opened as per normal. She went back to sleep for a short bit and then was up and at 'em around 6:45. And daughter #2 joined in shortly thereafter. So there I was, outnumbered and utterly miserable.
And it rained and rained and rained. Normally it's perfect movie weather. But instead of making my life a little bit easier, I decided if I was miserable so would everyone around me (aren't you glad we didn't hang out this morning). So I didn't turn on the TV. So stupid. Because I didn't want to hang out either. I didn't want to play or entertain or read or participate in anything. I was basically a real peach.
Thankfully, we did have plans to meet my mom for lunch. We met at 10:30 and enjoyed an earlier meal instead. My mood improved despite B's attempts to trip me up with her impatience, demands and surly looks. We survived the day with two time-outs, two movies (Bambi and Despicable Me) and a delicious pizza from Squisito.
Their are no sick days. And kids are going to act their age. Sometimes I act their age too.
I'm finishing this post from my couch the next morning. So far, so good. It is only 7:45, but I have high hopes for today. Right now, the girls are playing in the pack-n-play and I'm going to make some coffee. Everyone's acting accordingly. E like the happy 8 month she is...B like the happy (until she doesn't get her way) almost 4 yo...and me, well right now I'm still acting like a responsible, happy adult. Here's to keeping it that way!
Peace. J
And it rained and rained and rained. Normally it's perfect movie weather. But instead of making my life a little bit easier, I decided if I was miserable so would everyone around me (aren't you glad we didn't hang out this morning). So I didn't turn on the TV. So stupid. Because I didn't want to hang out either. I didn't want to play or entertain or read or participate in anything. I was basically a real peach.
Thankfully, we did have plans to meet my mom for lunch. We met at 10:30 and enjoyed an earlier meal instead. My mood improved despite B's attempts to trip me up with her impatience, demands and surly looks. We survived the day with two time-outs, two movies (Bambi and Despicable Me) and a delicious pizza from Squisito.
Their are no sick days. And kids are going to act their age. Sometimes I act their age too.
I'm finishing this post from my couch the next morning. So far, so good. It is only 7:45, but I have high hopes for today. Right now, the girls are playing in the pack-n-play and I'm going to make some coffee. Everyone's acting accordingly. E like the happy 8 month she is...B like the happy (until she doesn't get her way) almost 4 yo...and me, well right now I'm still acting like a responsible, happy adult. Here's to keeping it that way!
Peace. J
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Judgey McJudgerson
I feel like that could be my name lately. I've been spending WAY too much energy thinking about what is quote BEST unquote for some people around me. Don't worry, I'm not talking about you (or am I?). We're all guilty of it (please tell me I'm not alone in this uphill battle to mind my own business). I just want my loved ones to be h-a-p-p-y. Like, really really happy. And it's like I've forgot that every one's journey is different. And unless I have magical powers I am unaware of (that would be so cool), I have no idea what it feels like to be anyone else but me.
One of my favorite Emerson quotes (the author, not my baby) says "what I must do, is all that concerns me; not what the people think". It's from his essay on Self-Reliance and it's a must read. He goes on to comment on the hardships of following that rule because there are always people who "think they know what your duty is better than you know it". Ain't that the truth? Oh wait, that's me right now. Sh*@.
The thing is, I've made this great life out of gigantic mistakes. I mean, I broke an f'ing engagement a few days before Christmas (and his birthday) so I would know if Ben was the One or not. That being said, I hadn't spoken to or seen Ben in forever (other than to spill my engagement news), so I was working on faith that everything would work out. And that it was far better to be alone, than in the wrong relationship. But I was in that relationship for FIVE years. Do you think my friends and family had an opinion? Absolutely. They even shared it from time to time. But every single one supported my decision to marry he who shall remain nameless. Even though it was a terrible decision. They let me be. And I love them for it. No one abandoned me. Ever.
In the end, I make good choices. I just wait till I'm about to figuratively fall off an f'ing cliff and then I'm all like, wait, what. Nope, time to make a different choice. And in that instant, I'm brave. I dig in, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and change my course.
It wasn't easy and still isn't, but it's where I grew/grow the most. It's where everyone grows...it's just a matter of pushing through and finding comfort once more. And instead of standing back and doling out advice like a "know it all" (who really likes 'those' people anyways), I'm going to reach out my hand instead.
It's hard to keep my mouth shut when I see loved ones making what I perceive to be 'bad' choices or not living their 'best' life (what up Oprah). Key words, what I perceive. And my perception is flawed because it's mine, not theirs. And who knows where those 'bad' choices will lead them. Mine led me here. To a wonderful marriage, two beautiful children, a lovely home and amazing friends (old and new). I made choices that ultimately landed me in my dream life. I own them. Every.single.one.
So here's to choices, good and bad. And to keeping judgement at bay.
Peace and love. J
One of my favorite Emerson quotes (the author, not my baby) says "what I must do, is all that concerns me; not what the people think". It's from his essay on Self-Reliance and it's a must read. He goes on to comment on the hardships of following that rule because there are always people who "think they know what your duty is better than you know it". Ain't that the truth? Oh wait, that's me right now. Sh*@.
The thing is, I've made this great life out of gigantic mistakes. I mean, I broke an f'ing engagement a few days before Christmas (and his birthday) so I would know if Ben was the One or not. That being said, I hadn't spoken to or seen Ben in forever (other than to spill my engagement news), so I was working on faith that everything would work out. And that it was far better to be alone, than in the wrong relationship. But I was in that relationship for FIVE years. Do you think my friends and family had an opinion? Absolutely. They even shared it from time to time. But every single one supported my decision to marry he who shall remain nameless. Even though it was a terrible decision. They let me be. And I love them for it. No one abandoned me. Ever.
In the end, I make good choices. I just wait till I'm about to figuratively fall off an f'ing cliff and then I'm all like, wait, what. Nope, time to make a different choice. And in that instant, I'm brave. I dig in, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and change my course.
It wasn't easy and still isn't, but it's where I grew/grow the most. It's where everyone grows...it's just a matter of pushing through and finding comfort once more. And instead of standing back and doling out advice like a "know it all" (who really likes 'those' people anyways), I'm going to reach out my hand instead.
It's hard to keep my mouth shut when I see loved ones making what I perceive to be 'bad' choices or not living their 'best' life (what up Oprah). Key words, what I perceive. And my perception is flawed because it's mine, not theirs. And who knows where those 'bad' choices will lead them. Mine led me here. To a wonderful marriage, two beautiful children, a lovely home and amazing friends (old and new). I made choices that ultimately landed me in my dream life. I own them. Every.single.one.
So here's to choices, good and bad. And to keeping judgement at bay.
Peace and love. J
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